i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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