you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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