At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
