the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
