I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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