Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
