Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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