yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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