and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
