just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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