I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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