Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
