I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
