just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
