i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
