i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
