My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
