he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need a burrito and a hug.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
