I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
