i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
