i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
