so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
