I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
