I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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