How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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