Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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