Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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