Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
