Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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