I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
