just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
