Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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