how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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