haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I just shit out all my problems.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
