well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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