I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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