I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
