btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
