i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
