hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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