The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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