Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
