Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
