It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
