peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
