he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
