if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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