this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
