There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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