I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
