You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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