He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
