ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
