Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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