I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
