32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
