also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
