I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
